You May Have Noticed I’m a Little Nerdy…

So, those of you who follow me on Twitter or Tumblr probably have already caught on to what I’m about to say, but I thought I’d do a longer post here. This is my own little corner of the web, after all. Anyway, you may have noticed in the past that I’m a little nerdy. *pause for Readers to get over their surprise*

I know, shocking. But one of the ways my nerdiness expresses itself is through gaming, though I’m not as much of a gamer as…say…my husband (just for a not-randome example). So, what better way to express said gamery-ness than by starting up a game company with my husband and friends? The answer is…no better way.

At least, no better way if you like creating things and playing games. Both of which I do.

All of this is to say, one of the new big projects in my life is a game company called Roan Arts. It’s still in its infancy, we’re just getting off the ground, though the concept and seed of Roan Arts has been around for several years now. It’s truly the creation of our good friend James Weimer, the CEO, but we all believe in the company and are working hard to make it a success in a difficult but booming industry.

So what am I doing for the company? A lot of things really. I’m doing a little bit of social media (and later media) outreach, a little game-testing and game-design, and a whole lot of writing. I am literally writing the lore for our first board-game release right now (well, ok, right this very moment I’m writing this post, but that is my current project). And yes, that’s as mind-blowingly awesome as it sounds. The first installment is available on the Roan Arts DevBlog right now (go read it!)

So, in the future this means there will be the occasional post here about Roan Arts/Gamery type things, there will be some of my fiction appearing in places other than this blog, and my posting will probably be as erratic as always in this space. But never fear, I’ll never fully abandon this little blog! I just wanted to get an update going on what’s happening around here!

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Tales of the Toddler

Well, here we are in the second full week of Nanowrimo, and in the time-honored tradition of Wrimos everywhere, I’m procrastinating writing the novels by writing other things. Besides, I feel a bit bad for neglecting the faithful ol’ blog for so long. Part of the neglect is not having anything particular to talk about lately. Most of my brain is occupied with work and the same historical novel I’ve been shoving uphill like Sisyphus for an eternity now. I haven’t read any new books in at least a month (I was having my semi-annual Anne of Green Gables series re-read, may post a bit about that later too).

But there is one thing keeping my life interesting, and that’s the Munchkin. He’s a full-blown toddler now, two years and one month old, with all the whip-lash inducing mood-swings and blinding changes that entails. Every day has the potential to be an uphill struggle against melt-downs and deliberate naughtyness or a delightful memory to be cherished forever. He’s constantly growing and changing, learning new things and developing new skills. In the last few months he’s learned to count from 1-4 (he gets shaky after that), recognize half of the alphabet and all the numbers from 1-10, name most of the colors of the rainbow, and developed a desire to be ‘helpful’ by performing small tasks. He especially likes to help fetch and carry, put things away (yes I know, enjoy it while it lasts!), and tonight he decided he wanted to feed the dogs!

The other day, the Munchkin gave me his first bit of back-talk. He’s not allowed in our office-area, where mine and my husband’s computer desks are located. But that doesn’t stop him from going in frequently, particularly when the dogs go in. So one day last week I was continuously telling him to get out of the office, at one point I had to tell him twice within ten minutes. He came back to where I was sitting, looked me dead in the eye and said “Bella office!” in an accusing tone. I should explain, Bella is the four-month-old puppy, who he adores and considers a playmate. So, if she was allowed in the office, then why wasn’t he?

Tonight, he demonstrated his burgeoning memory. He’s been taking antibiotics for several days now, which he gets in the morning and in the evening just before bed. So, we went through our usual bed-time routine (bath, teeth-brushing, diaper & pajamas, then down for a story). As I was carrying him to the story chair, he poked me and said “Medicine!” I had forgotten, but he knew to remind me.

He’s also just beginning to remember people between meetings, even when it’s a long time between, and recognize that specific names refer to specific people. He can conceptualize the people he knows even when they’re not around, and ask for them by name. This was especially heartbreaking when my step-father passed away suddenly a few weeks ago. The Munchkin has always been particularly fond of his grandpas, and Papa R was no different. He had just started to demonstrate this memory when Papa died a few short days after we visited for a small family dinner. As we drove down the driveway to my mother’s house to stay with her afterwards, he began asking for his Papa by name. It’s unbelievably hard to explain to a two-year old that the person he’s intent on seeing is no longer there. There’s no way to make him understand, so he just keeps asking. And each repetitive little demand is a painful reminder of loss.

His desire to mimic us, and especially of his daddy, is really keeping us on our toes. For one thing, we both swear. Rather a lot. And no sissy little “darns” and “craps” either unless the social setting demands it. When the Munchkin was preverbal, we never felt a particular need to censor ourselves. Unfortunately, that’s made it that much harder to remember to do so now, when he’s beginning to parrot back our words to us. Nor does it help that every time he pops up with his squeaky little “shit! shit!” I have an uncontrollable urge to giggle madly. This rather damages my credibility when I attempt to explain that he shouldn’t say that word!

It’s not just the naughty words he likes to imitate though. He copies the way we stand, the way we dress, the way we move. He’s especially keen to copy his daddy in this respect. My husband likes to lean against the kitchen counter with one leg crossed over the other while he eats his morning peanut-butter toast. Nothing delights the Munchkin more than to stand next to him, copying his pose to the last detail. Munchkin always likes to wear a hat (his especial delight is the black and red Lightning McQueen fedora, which he calls ‘The cool hat’) because his daddy does. His Papa did too, and that probably helped.

I haven’t posted about my adventures in motherhood for quite some time, so there’s an awful lot of material for stories, but I’ll stop there for now. Not everyone is as fascinated with my baby’s doings as I am, after all!

Besides, it’s high time I quit stalling and wrangled some fiction!

Invisibly Bi

Evidently today is Bisexuality Awareness Day (also known as Bisexuality Day or Bi Visibility Day). I usually miss these sorts of things, the many days for awareness or remembrance or pride for this or that. They tend to fly by me while I do other things, and I find out the next day or the next week. Or else I learn about them in time, but I just don’t have anything particular to say on the subject. But today is different. I was reminded in time to say something, and more importantly I have something intensely personal and perhaps even important to say on the subject.

You see, I’m a bisexual woman, and as such I am almost entirely invisible. Part of this is because I came to the realization of my own sexuality rather late, after I was already married to a man. Part of my invisibility is my own fault for being rather reserved and private with that part of my life. People presume I’m straight based on my long term, stable heterosexual relationship, and since I’m almost never trying to have sex with them it seems entirely moot to correct the assumption unless they specifically inquire. Hence, very few people know about my true orientation. My husband. My doctor. A few friends with whom the subject has come up.

A significant cause of my late realization (I was 25) is because of the overall invisibility of bisexuals. Bis in hetorsexual relationships are presumed straight and those in homosexual relationships are presumed gay. Meanwhile, many otherwise enlightened people perpetuate the stereotypes of bisexuality. That it’s a myth, and we’re really just partially-closeted homos. That we’re just sex-crazed. That we’re selfish. That we can’t be monogamous. That it’s all just a phase. The myths are pervasive, and even while speaking out against them, I still sort of bought into them on some level. I didn’t know any bisexuals (that I was aware of), and there aren’t a whole lot of them in media either who aren’t raging stereotypes. I had no hard data, just a gut-feeling that bisexuality was too a Real Thing.

Like most teens, my sexuality began to develop and I started to Notice boys. I also started to Notice girls. I even found myself kissing a few, and finding it not unpleasant. But my undeniable attraction to boys cemented my own (and everyone else’s) assumption that I was just straight and it was all just a phase. But the attractions never went away, and eventually I began to develop romantic interest, budding crushes never fully realized, for women. All this was complicated by the loving and increasingly serious relationship with my boyfriend…who I then married.

I finally realized, admitted, and said out loud “I’m bisexual” after several months of marriage. We had begun reading and listening to Dan Savage’s sex advice column. We found it amusing and educational all at once, and it really opened both our eyes about a lot of things. One of the things I  heard consistently were calls from bisexuals. Men, women, experienced and inexperienced, out and closeted. All called or wrote in and asked questions or told Dan their stories. And some of them started to sound awfully familiar. Suddenly, there was a category for me, one that seemed to describe and explain the things I had been feeling for years, in ways the stereotypes never had. I had a sudden Moment of Clarity. I nervously broke the news to my new husband (over Skype, as logistics had decreed we spend a few months apart). He replied “Well, yeah? Uh, so what? You planning to leave for a woman or something?”

The erasure of bisexual experience from our cultural consciousness contributes to the confusion, fear, and distress of bi-teens who have no idea how to explain what our society so frequently claims doesn’t even exist. But today is a day to stand up and be seen, so those around us know we exist.

*Takes a big, deep breath for courage*

I’m a Bisexual woman.

My relationships do not define my sexuality.

I’m Bi, and I will not be erased.

Hiatus

Rainbow Ark

All of the pictures were taken at the Ark by me.

Tubs guards the cat-food. So fierce!

You might say I’m a bit of an animal lover, but that’s like saying the North Pole is a bit chilly. As long as I can remember, I’ve always lived with at least a cat or two and usually a dog, sometimes fish and other small creatures too. Read the rest of this entry »

Bend in the Road

Life likes to stick these little corkscrew bends in the road, sometimes.

Those bends in the road of life always seem to come at the most inopportune times. It’s not that I object to the twists and turns life takes, once I get used to them. I just wish they’d pick less busy seasons to come along during. Besides the normal business of exams and final papers, I must also prepare to say goodbye to my husband for three months as he must return to the States ahead of me. This all came about very suddenly, and I’m not much looking forward to it. Read the rest of this entry »